The concept of a play within a play is hardly new, dating back at least to Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”, and until we saw the Gorky Drama Theater’s “Mafiosi”, we had never considered the inherent risks in such a production.

At first glance “Mafiosi”, directed by Yefim Zvenyatsky, appears promising. A gang of mobsters bully a provincial theater company into performing the opera “Carmen” in order to lure a rival don from seclusion; they hope to kill him.

Such a conceit would seem, in theory at least, perfect for a town like Vladivostok, where even the mayor says gangsterism is the law of the land. On top of that, everyone loves the famous opera by Georges Bizet.

The trouble is, “Mafiosi” stumbles on both counts. It shies away from references to local mafia — a decision that deflates this production, imbuing it with all the social relevance of a high school production of “The Music Man.” And the snatches of “Carmen” that sprinkle the play only served as mournful reminders of how superior the opera is to this grab-bag of song and dance.

True, the comparison isn’t really fair. “Mafia” isn’t intended to be a stuffy piece of theatrical art enjoyed only by bejeweled ladies peering through opera glasses. It’s a giant cartoon, filled with miked singing, clumsy chorus lines, and exuberantly bad acting. You become intimately familiar with the shape and dimension of the Alexander Slavsky’s bald pate (he plays the Director) because of his habit of grasping his temples and bending forward in a sort of anguished bow whenever things go wrong.

The real director, Zvenyatsky, provides helpful hints to his audience through costuming: He dresses his mafia families in negative version of each other’s outfits. Thus one group of mobsters wears black coats and white pants, but they end up looking like British naval officers or millionaire playboys heading out to their yachts for the afternoon. The other gangsters, wearing white coats and black pants, are every bit as menacing as the family doctor. All the gangsters wear broad-brimmed hats that would go over well at a bar in West Texas.

Zvenyatsky spices things up with racy acting. Hollywood, of course, has long operated on the notion that viewers yearn to climb under the covers with sweaty, grappling actors. But somehow it is even more awkward to watch this sort of thing live on stage (even if the actors are clothed). When Slavsky’s offers a goofy grin as he mounts the actress Beatriche (Larisa Belobrova) atop the piano, you find yourself thinking more about the performers than their characters. Are you guys enjoying yourselves? If so, could you take it backstage somewhere and let us get on with the show?

Don Martinibianko (Nikolai Timoshenko) provides a break from the general buffoonery — a gangster with a grave dignity who sets the cast trembling whenever he shows up. But it’s hard to take him seriously as a menace, perhaps because the cast overacts and squeals like schoolgirls whenever he arrives.

The production culminates in a scene from “Carmen.” You are meant to laugh at the garish costumes and terrible acting of this company. But because the quality is exactly the same as the rest of the production, the joke falls flat.

The instrumental music in this scene (as in the rest of the show) is taped. Lucky thing. Turn it loud enough, and nobody will notice that the only people having fun are the ones galloping back and forth onstage.

If shoe repair shops and fashion houses started cheerfully welcoming Russian housewives, we would think something went wrong in our nation. Seeing a smiling girl at a counter is as rare as an elephant sitting in a tree in downtown Vladivostok. I think part of our tradition is to look gloomier than we are, in order to scare customers, so that they feel guilty and regret they even came.

When I went to pick up my shoes from a repair kiosk last summer, I described how they looked. A big shirtless repair man in torn pants yelled, “These are not your shoes.” I was shocked. “What do you mean?” I said. I told him how much I had paid for them. This worked better; he was mollified, and he invited me to sit in his kiosk while he finished painting the soles of my shoes.

He was sweating and his pants were almost falling down because of his belly, and I did not enjoy his hospitality any more more than his hostility. He complained about new shoe dealers, who have no idea of a product’s quality and buy garbage from foreign firms. He waved an orange sandal in front of my nose. “Now look at this: A kid wore it for two days and he broke it,” he said.

When I brought my watch to another repair shop, a gloomy man came out to the window. “You dropped it,” he gloated. I felt like a criminal caught red-handed, and I quickly produced the 30,000 rubles he required for the repair. Trying to avoid meeting him, I sent my son to pick up my watch. Two days later it stopped working again.

I wonder what sales people think they are doing at work? Sometimes it is hard to disturb a girl who is looking into the distance: Maybe she is contemplating her transitory existence on earth. How can I tell her that I need a kilo of tomatoes? I have to hope she will notice me and say “What?” so I can make my down-to-earth request.

When I visited America, sales people always smiled and said hi to me. At first I was suspicious, but then I realized that at least they do not mind having me in their shops, and if I buy something, they will be happy rather than depressed. Maybe someone should organize a professional exchange of sales people with American sister cities like Tacoma, Washington.

Quadrille (“Kadril”), a comedy.
Nov. 27, 6 p.m., Dec. 6, 5 p.m.
Tickets: 15,000 - 50,000 r.

Ivanov, a comedy by Anton Chekhov
Nov. 28, 6 p.m.
Tickets: 10,000 - 30,000 r.

The School of Defaulters (“Shkola Neplatelschikov”), a comedy
Nov. 29, 5 p.m.
Tickets: 10,000 - 30,000 r.

Sorry (“Izvinite”), a comedy.
Nov. 29, 5 p.m., Dec.9, 6 p.m.
Tickets: 10,000 - 30,000 r.

The Yefim Zvenyatsky Show with Zhanna Aguzarova, a singer from Moscow.
Nov. 29, 9 p.m.

The All-Girl Jazz Band (“V Dzhaze Tolko Devushky”), a musical. Stage adaptation of Marylin Monroe’s “Some Like It hot.”
Nov. 30, 5 p.m.
Tickets: 10,000 - 30,000 r.

Same Day Next Year (“Moy Grekh”), a play.
Dec. 2, 6 p.m.
Tickets: 10,000 - 30,000 r.

Noises Off (“Shym za Stsenoy”), a play.
Dec. 3, 6 p.m.
Tickets: 10,000 - 30,000 r.

Eight Loving Women (“Vosem Lyubyaschikh Zhenschin”), a play.
Dec. 4, 6 p.m.
Tickets: 10,000 - 30,000 r.

Farewell (“Proschaite, Navsegda”), a play from Turgenev’s “A Month in the Country”.
Dec. 5, 6 p.m.
Tickets: 10,000 - 30,000 r.

My Fair Lady (“Moya Prekrasnaya Lady”), Frederick Loewe’s musical adaptation of G. Bernard Shaw’s “Pygmalion.”
Dec.10, 6 p.m.
Tickets: 15,000 - 50,000 r.

Arsenic, Wine and Old Lace (“Myshyak, Vino I Starye Kruzheva”), a murder mystery play.
Dec. 11, 6 p.m.
Tickets: 10,000 - 30,000 r.

Concert by Elena Kiry.
Nov. 28, 6 p.m.

Turnip (“Repka”), a musical for children by Voronin.
Nov. 29, 11 a.m.
Nov. 30, 2 p.m.

Mercy (“Miloserdie”), a play by Nikolai Rerikh.
Dec. 2, 6 p.m.

Pugachev, a historical play about a Don Cossack who headed a peasant rebellion, by Sergei Yesenin.
Dec. 3, 6 p.m.

The Ransom of Red Chief (“Vozhd Krasnokozhikh”) by O. Henry.
Dec. 4, 2 p.m.

The Lower Depths (“Na Dne”), a play by Gorky.
Dec. 5, 2 p.m.

Vocal music by Sergei Alexeiko (bass).
Dec. 6, 5 p.m.

Le Petit Prince (“Malenky Prints”), a play by Antonie de Saint Exuperie.
Dec. 7, 2 p.m.

Ivan the Terrible (“Ivan Grozny”), a historical drama by Alexei Tolstoi.
Dec. 9, 6 p.m.

A Month in the Country (“Mesyats v Derevne”), a play by Turgenev.
Dec. 10, 6 p.m.

Lizard (“Yascheritsa”), a play for adults.
Nov. 27, 5 p.m.

The Scarlet Flower (“Alenky Tsevetochek”), a play for children.
Nov. 29, 11 a.m. and 13 p.m.

Let’s Play Little Red Riding Hood (“Sygraem v Krasnuyu Shapochku”), a play for children.
Dec. 30, 11 a.m. and 13 p.m.

Puss in Boots (“Kot v Sapogakh”), a play for children.
Dec. 6, 11 a.m. and 13 p.m.

Mashenka and The Bear (“Mashenka i Medved”), a play for children.
Dec. 7, 11 a.m. and 13 p.m.

Concert by rock singer Zhanna Aguzarova.
Nov. 27, 6:30 p.m.
Tickets: 60,000-120,000 r.

Far Eastern Stars of Kick Boxing
Nov. 29, 12 p.m.
Nov. 30, 6 p.m.

Concert by singer Sergei Penkin.
Dec. 5, 6 p.m.

Anniversary concert by the Pacific Fleet’s Song and Dance Ensemble.
Dec. 6, 6 p.m.

Concert by rock singer Garik Sukachev.
Dec. 10, 6 p.m.

Show by the pop group “Ruki Vverkh” from Moscow.
Dec. 5, 6:30 p.m.
Tickets: 35,000, 45,000, 55,000 r.

Famous People. Arseniev’s guide and mines explorer Feyodor Silin, an exhibition.
Nov. 19-Dec. 10, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Closed Mondays.

Museum Design, an exhibition by Gennady Prikhodko.
Nov. 26- Dec. 16, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Closed Mondays.

A musical by the Children Folk Ensemble.
Dec. 7, 4 p.m.

An exhibition devoted to the 65th anniversary of Gorky Drama Theater
10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Closed Mondays

A display of old motorcycles, old cameras and gramophones.
10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Closed Mondays

Institute of Arts Concert by the Pacific Symphony Orchestra.
Nov. 29, 6 p.m. Free.

Exhibition of Svetlana Pleshivtseva, a gallery’s restorer, devoted to her 30-year work with the gallery.
Nov. 21 - Dec. 21, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Closed Mondays.

A display of applied art works and drawings by Zhirabok family.

A display of paintings on birch-bark by Nikolai Startsev.
10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Closed Mondays.

Amateur Theater directed by Vladimir Shanin.
Every Tuesday, 5 p.m.

Concert by opera singer Larisa Shalina.
Dec. 5, 5 p.m.

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