vlad.tribnet.com / Issue #167 / Social life / Reading article...

I encountered my first bottle of Ginseng Snake Wine this week in a pharmacy off an alley in Suifenhe, China, and I knew I had to buy it.

The liter bottle sat on a counter, and inside was a whole ginseng root, a handful of red berries, a couple of wild fungi scraped from a tree, and — an essential ingredient in any fine wine — a drowned adder, its gullet plugged with a what looked like a multivitimin. If you jolted the bottle, a swirl of sediment clouded the beverage. Otherwise snake wine resembles your basic sauvignon blanc.

I was on assignment in Suifenhe, a city of 180,000 about 150 kilometers northwest of Vladivostok. Other aspects of my research on China will appear in these pages in due time, but the news about Ginseng Snake Wine, and the promise it offers those with small kidneys, was too important to withhold.

First, the good news. I quote, in its entirety, a pharmaceutical note on the bottle, which the snake wine distributors helpfully translated into Russian:

“north eastern adder, ginseng [here follows a jumble of nonsensical Cyrillic letters]. yellow belly pure grain wine nutritious environment etc. to help from anemia. to boost the blood circulation. to grow the kidney. to have a rest. to help increase life expectanc y. for pains in the small of your back. arthritis. rheumatism. head clot. arteriosclerosis. has wonder.ful effects of treatment.”

It was 80 yuan — just under $10 — and I decided it was worth twice that to have a rest and get rid of the head clots that so irritate friends and colleagues. I imagined wowing my parents, if they ever visit Vladivostok, by opening the liquor cabinet, setting out a glass, and saying, “Dad — you want some sherry, or can I offer you a little snake wine?”

The trouble is, I’m not sure what to do now that I own a bottle. The pharmacist, a young man in stylish glasses and a white lab coat, tried to answer my questions.

“How often should I take it?” I asked.

“Every morning.”

“Morning?”

“Of course.”

“How much should I drink?”

I think his explanation would have lost me even if it hadn’t been delivered in a hybrid Chinese-Russian. In any case, I’m a little reluctant to start on my longevity treatment, for fear something will go terribly wrong. I don’t mind getting rid of the head clots. It’s just that the rest of the stuff in my skull might prove useful someday.